Piadas de Punheteiros

 

 

 O matuto foi ao médico pois estava com dor no penis. Chegando ao

consultório ele narrou seu dia para o médico mais ou menos assim:

"Acordo às 3 horas da manhã, dou umazinha na esposa, tomo banho, dou

outra na esposa, tomo café, dou mais uma na esposa, e vou trabalhar no

milharal; às 10 horas volto para lanchar, dou umazinha na esposa, como o lanche,

dou mais umazinha na esposa, e volto para o milharal; às 12 horas volto para

almoçar, dou umazinha na esposa, almoço, dou uma dormidinha, acordo, dou

umazinha na esposa, e volto para o milharal; às 16 horas encerro meu

trabalho, vou para casa, dou mais umazinha na esposa, tomo um banho, dou

outra na esposa, janto, durmo, e no outro dia começo tudo de novo."

O médico ficou horrorizado, e disse que sabia o que estava causando as

tais dores no pênis: o problema do matuto era que ele estava fazendo

sexo de mais.

O matuto levantou as mãos para o céu e disse: "graças a Deus Dr., achei

que fossem as punhetinhas que tocava no milharal."

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O coitado do espermatozóide aleijado vivia reclamando dos outros que toda

vida que havia uma ejaculação ele ficava para trás por conta das moletas e

nunca dava tempo de chegar ao final do "túnel". Ficava puto pois niguém

ajudava e ele nunca tinha chance de alcançar o objetivo de todo

espermatozóide: fecundar um óvulo. Os outros espermatozóides resolvem então

dar uma mão e combinam de colocar o aleijado na frente de todo mundo e, na

hora H, sair empurrando o coitado para que ele possa, finalmente,

atravessar o túnel e chegar ao tão esperado destino final, o ovulo. Finalmente chega a hora. Sirenes, buzinas, sinos, etc., avisando que vai jorrar! Junta todo

mundo na beira do túnel e o aleijadinho na frente!

- Lá vem! Lá vem! Lá vem! AGOOORA!!!! E sai todo mundo empurrando o

aleijadinho que mais ou menos na metade do tunel começa a gritar:

- PÁRA! PÁRA! PÁRA QUE É SÓ UMA PUNHETA!!!!

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Dois surdos-mudos se casaram.

Durante a primeira semana do casamento, eles descobriram que eles era

incapazes de se comunicar na cama quando a luz estivesse apagada, pois

eles não enxergariam a linguagem dos sinais.

Depois de várias noites pensando em alguma solução, a esposa disse:

- "Querido - gesticula ela - , por que não fazemos alguns simples

sinais?

Por exemplo: à noite, se você quiser fazer sexo comigo, pegue meu seio

esquerdo uma vez. Se você não quiser fazer sexo, pegue no meu seio

direito uma vez.

O marido acha uma grande idéia e gesticula de volta a esposa:

- Grande idéia! Agora se você quiser fazer sexo comigo, balance meu

pênis uma vez. Se você não quiser fazer sexo, balance meu pênis 50

vezes!

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