Piadas Machistas
Parte III

 

OS 10 MANDAMENTOS DO GUERREIRO
==============================


1. Jamais voltar para casa com o placar zerado. A conquista équestao
de honra.

2. Nunca pecar por omissao. Se a mulher der mole, o guerreiro tem
obrigaçao de cair dentro.

3. Nunca usar de violência ou recursos financeiros para conseguiruma
mulher.

4. Nunca entrar um campo de batalha olhando para o chao. Os olhos
do  guerreiro devem estar sempre fuzilando a vítima.

5. Amar a baranga acima de tudo. O que conta no currículo de um
guerreiro é a quantidade e nao a qualidade.

6. Ficar atento às oportunidades que surgem durante uma noite. A
vítima deve ser atacada ao primeiro guardanapo que cair no chao.
guerreiro é, antes de tudo, um oportunista.

7. Beber muito. O Estado etílico do guerreiro pode fazê-lo rebocar
o  maior canhao da festa com a paixao de um adolescente.

8. Como bom devoto de Sao Jorge, o guerreiro deve honrar a espada,
domar o dragao e nao se fazer de difícil para nenhuma mulher. O
guerreiro nao tem ego.

9. Mentir sempre. Vale prometer casamento, jurar que é milionário
e, sobretudo, que a muquirana é mais bonita do que a Vera Fischer.

10. Atacar todas as mulheres sem distinçao de cor, raça ou credo.
Respeitar somente a mae do outro guerreiro...se ela nao for viúva
ou  separada, é claro!!!
barrafer1.gif (7919 bytes)

  Dia perfeito para ela:
  08:15    Despertar com abracos e beijos
   08:18     Fazer amor (sem pressa)
  08:30    Cafe na cama com pao e suco de laranja
  08:50    A balanca acusa 2 kgs.a  menos que ontem
  09:15    Delicioso banho quente com sais aromaticos
  10:30    Aerobica no clube, com um treinador bonito e gostoso
  12:00    Tratamento facial, manicure e cabeleireiro
  13:00    delicioso almoco com as melhores amigas
  15:00    Compras no shopping com amigas - Credito ilimitado
  18:00    Receber em casa 3 duzias de rosas de um admirador secreto
19:00    Aerobica seguida de deliciosa massagem
  20:30    Escolher vestido para jantar
  21:30    Ceia romantica para dois, luz de velas, danca...   23:00
Banho quente (sozinha)
  00:00    Fazer amor 01:30    Comer morangos e tomar champagne
  02:00    Dormir suavemente nos bracos do amante
 
 
  Dia perfeito para ele:
  08:50    Despertar
  09:00    Chupetinha
  09:15    Ler a secao de esportes do jornal, peidos para relaxar
09:30    Cafe da manha - Ovos, carne e queijo
  10:00    Jogo no club
  12:00    Almoco com os amigos regado a vinho/cerveja
  14:00    Dormir a sombra de uma arvore, peidos para relaxar
  16:00    Pescaria em barco com tripulacao feminina (top less)
  16:30    Mentir sobre a ultima pescaria (500 Kgs. de peixe)
  17:00    Chupetinha
  18:30    Pizza com os amigos num  bar com vinho/cerveja
  20:30    Banho quente
  21:00    Um cognac em casa no sofa, peidos para relaxar
  22:00    Jantar com a namorada
  23:30    Chega em casa uma amiga da namorada 00:00     Chupetinha
  00:30    Champagne e charutos cubanos

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Assunto: En: CUIDADO COM A CERVEJA!!!!!


Um cientista americano sugeriu que os homens deveriam tomar mais cuidado com o consumo de cerveja,
pois os resultados de uma recente analise revelou a  presenca de hormonios femininos.
A teoria é que beber cerveja faz os homens tornarem-se mulheres.
Para provar o achado, foram dados a 100 homens 5 litros de cerveja cada.
Foi observado entao que 100% dos homens:
              - ganhou peso;
              - comecou a falar excessivamente e coisas sem sentido;
              - tornou-se altamente emocional;
              - nao conseguia dirigir;
              - nao conseguia pensar racionalmente;
              - discutia por besteira, e se recusava a pedir desculpas quando estava errado.
Nao ha mais testes planejados, sendo que este foi considerado suficiente.

 

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