Piadas do BILL CLINTON

Uma manha bem fria de inverno, o presidente Clinton levantou bem cedo e comecou a correr em volta da Casa Branca enquanto todo mundo estava ainda dormindo. Ao passar pela cerca externa para dirigir-se ao gramado em frente, ele ficou chocado ao ver a mensagem "BILL CLINTON E UM VIADO" escrito com urina sobre a neve
recentemente caida.
O presidente ficou livido e admirou-se da audacia desta infamia cometida debaixo de seu nariz. Ele chamou imediatamente o chefe do servico secreto e ordenou uma investigacao para descobrir o autor.
* Nao regule qualquer despesa - ordenou o presidente.
* Bote os homens para trabalhar dia e noite. Faca um exame de urina em todos os ocupantes da Casa Branca. Traga grafologos. Faca tudo o que possa ser feito. Mas traga-me o nome deste insolente.
O Servico Secreto fez tudo que precisava ser feito. Eles trabalharam freneticamente 24 horas por dia, investigando todo o mundo,
efetuando toda especie de testes secretos. E finalmente, apos tres dias, eles tinham a resposta.
O chefe do Servico Secreto encontrou o presidente no Salao Oval limpando seu saxofone, e disse que, infelizmente, era o portador de mas noticias.
* E entao? - perguntou o presidente - Voce tem o nome do responsavel por denegrir minha imagem na neve da Casa Branca?
* Sim, nos o temos, Sr. Presidente
* E quem e ele? Quero saber!
* Bem, Sr. Presidente, apos testes de urina feitos em todos os ocupantes da Casa Branca, temos a certeza de que pertence a Al Gore.
* Oh my God! - gritou o presidente - Al Gore fez isso? Al Gore, meu vice-presidente? Al Gore, meu amigo de infancia? Nao posso
acreditar. Esta e a pior noticia que voce poderia ter-me dado!
* Bem, a noticia e na realidade pior que isso, Sr. Presidente - disse o chefe do Servico Secreto.
* O que? Pior que isso? O que pode ser pior do que o vice-presidente escrever um insulto contra mim na neve com urina?
* A letra é da Hillary.

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Num dia, Chelsea, filha do Clinton, estava feliz da vida e disse ao pai na Casa Branca.
-Pai, tenho boas notícias !!! Senhor conhece o Matt, de San Francisco, ele é lindo né, pai ?! Ele me pediu minha mão para casamento !!!
Após o jantar, Clinton chama a filha e diz:
-Chelsea, devo-lhe contar uma coisa... Sua mãe é uma ótima mulher, inteligente, mas ela nunca me satisfez na cama. E isso me levou procurar outras mulheres, e uma delas é a mãe do Matt... Filha, Matt é teu irmão.
Chelsea chorou ficou desconsolada. Passou alguns meses sem namorado, até que um dia voltou a sorrir e contou para Clinton.
-Pai, estou com novo namorado. Vive em Washington, e é cara mais bonito da cidade. Se chama Robert e ele quer casar comigo!!!"
Clinton consola a filha:
-Chelsea, é uma pena dizer isto, mas ele também é seu irmão"
Chelsea chora, e foi desabafar com a Hillary.
-Mãe, eu nunca vou me casar, snif, todos caras que eu namoro, o pai diz que são meus irmãos... Como pode ?!
Então Hillary consola filha:
-Não dê muita atenção no que ele diz... Ele não é teu pai.

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Depois da confusao na Casa Branca,  Monica Lewinsky criou o habito de
lavar seus vestidos numa lavanderia perto de sua casa.
  O problema é que ela sempre enche a paciência do dono da lavanderia
  contando suas historias.
  Certa vez, depois da quinta vez no mesmo dia indo a Lavanderia, Monica
  chega toda sorridente e fala :
  - Oiiii !! Cheguei !!!
  e o dono da lavanderia responde :
  - Porra ! De novo ?
  - Nao, desta vez foi café

 

White House Jokes....


Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a
screwdriver?
A: A screwdriver turns in screws, Clinton screws
interns!

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a
new national bird? -the spread eagle

A reporter asked Clinton one day. "Was Monica lying?"
Clinton responded by saying. "No, she was on her
knees."

Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every
day at 5 am?
A: She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.

The Spelling Bee...Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford and
Bill Clinton were in a spelling contest.
Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was the only one of
the three who knew that 'harass' was one word.

Q. How many White House Interns does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they are too busy screwing the President.

Women in Washington DC were asked if they would have
sex with the President. 86% said "Not again."

Clinton's team of advisors have offered the following
defense.....Clinton NEVER told Lewinsky to lie in
disposition! He told her to lie in THIS position.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in
common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.

Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.

Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the
Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.



It's not so funny...


Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Rachel Hunter are
flying to a supermodels conference in Paris, when
suddenly the Captain of the
plane
announces: "We have just lost all power to the engines
of the plane and are
going to make an emergency crash landing - please assume
the brace position
immediately!" Immediately the three models look at each
other and start preparing for the worst.
Claudia quickly pulls out some lipstick and make-up and
starts fixing
her face up. Bewildered, Naomi and Rachel ask: "What in
the hell are you doing
Claudia fixing up your make-up, we are about to crash!"
Claudia responds:
"Well I know for a fact that the rescue workers will
search for, and
save first, the people who have the best looking
faces-this is why I am putting on my make-up."
Immediately Rachel Hunter rips open her blouse to expose
to chest.
Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: "Rachel have
you lost your damn
senses?? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to
see-we are about
to die!" Rachel responds: "I have it on good authority
that in plane
crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the women
with big beautiful breasts this is why I am exposing
mine!"
Not hesitating for a moment, Naomi Campbell pulls down
her skirt and
panties to expose her female "love triangle."
Freaking out, Claudia and Rachel yell: "Naomi - Are you
totally crazy??
Why are you exposing yourself for everyone to see??"
Calmly, Naomi responds:
"BITCHES PLEASE! I know for a fact that the first thing
the rescue workers
look for in plane crashes is the black box!!"

 

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